McDonalds to Change Menu To Prolong CEO Lifespan
In an attempt to prolong the tenure of their chief executives McDonalds corp. announced sweeping changes to their menus worldwide.
Fat filled hamburgers will be replaced with healthy chick-pea-and-parsley burgers, beef-fat fries with wholemeal pita breads, while sugar loaded shakes are set to dissapear being replaced with freshly squeezed juice. A major advertising operation is planned to reflect the food changes.
The re-branded entity will be called Stavros’s and the well-known Ronald McDonald character will be replaced with a new sun-tanned version called Stavros McPapadopoulos.
Spokesman, G. Ettingslim told BIGfib that the radical changes have little to do with recent criticism of the chains effect on national diet and everything to do with pragmatism.
“The problem,” he told BIGfib’s Lolo Laroche, “Is that all of our staff tend to eat in the restaurants, and illness and absentee levels for long term employees are through the roof.”
Traditionally McDonalds has paid little heed to employee health, but recently the ill effect of a McDonalds diet have become only too obvious.
Ex CEO Charlie Bell, began his career at 15, flipping burgers at McDonald's in Australia and has been with the firm ever since.
He this week stepped down after just seven months as CEO to focus on his battle with bowel cancer.
He had replaced McDonalds CEO Jim Cantalupo, 60, who himself died of a heart attack earlier this year.
“The problem now is that it’s the top end staff who are dropping like flies, not just the serfs…” G. Ettingslim told BIGfib. “We’re worried about ourselves now and something had to be done.”
“If that has an effect on world health then there’s not a lot we can do about it.” he told BIGfib.